Tonka Trucks

This is my contribution, is for those who seek credit, living my life in my shoes for a day.

As I sit at my computer, write a good hand, I have now, I'm forced to my story, how to tell my drug destroys life. Before God gave me, I was smoking crack, snorting heroin, pills, everything I could to treat pain. I could not stop with the drugs that God loved me enough to stop my black behind. I had a severe stroke that leftmy left side paralyzed. Then it occurred to me, "You fool, you really F'd up." It has been two years since, sober for 2 1 / 2 years in the happiness. The 1 / 2 years has been purposely shut the doors of all always there for me.

Born in 1968, my childhood was average at best. Not bad, but not rich, I received gifts for Christmas, like "Rock em Sock em Robots," bought "Tonka Truck", "Hot Wheels" and "Matchbox Car". My father just before he died suddenly, for me my first tennis game at Searscost $ 159.99 currently. Atari was the leader, but did his best. My father and I were very close, almost inseparable. Later, at the age of 25 years, my mother told me Leo was not my real father. However, I felt loved. My mother loved me too, but it was different. I take it everywhere, and teach me, clean cut, such as carpets, hair, cars to work, etc. My mother has always, for me, baby sitter, so she could play bingo, go to the beauty shop, shopping and the horseto pursue. I remember the terrible experience of sitting for hours while my mother and my aunt went to "Gasman and Marshall Fields." Yet, could not now. Horray for online shopping.

Pamper yourself at a young age, my father died my personality changed drastically. I no longer felt loved, even if my mother has tried to show his best. Suddenly single parent now. I started having headaches all the time. No perceived joy in my life, I tried to take my frustrations onanyone. No smile, no conversation, but no pain. The cousins ​​and my friends have the weight of frustration, although I could not fight a lick. Girls hit me:).

12 years, angry with the world, were in the next few years, only a means, what was to come. First sexual experience, vulgar first sexual experience, the first night awake all night, the first experiences with alcohol and marijuana. Every time I was drunk or high, I thought I was on top of the world. Since my mother foundA friend (years later), who sometimes stay at his house all night. He has no phone, and he was a drinker, so I knew if my mother was not home at 8:00 clock, the freedom, I grew up!

The first night was tough, even by me. I was afraid to cry, and everything. Then it was a breeze. Every second day, wanted to get away during the weekend at home every day. The beginning of the split personality, a further step in the deception.

1 Angry with the world.

2 Deception

I knew howbehave when my mother was at home and act the opposite when she was gone. I had to sleep with women as well, orgies, parties, whatever, as I did, as if I were an adult. School work was easy, even if it started high school and Catholic high camilion School.The development of attitude. 16 years, stone drunk. There was 12 steps in my community, I thought. It was good, my eyes are red, just opened. I did not know the things I loved to do, the sport was not importantmore. My thought was that of a player and all women. The women were objects of desire for me, maybe I was watching all the porn films on a daily basis.

Disease has been for me a word that was linked to action, not mental or physical well-being. With drugs, it is a springboard, an immediate, some gradual. My mission has been little by little. Alcohol, then marijuana, both, etc. Now I know that alcohol is a drug, and leaves you vulnerable to say the things that usually do not. Four of myFive children were conceived in drunk or high. When I was young, always high, smoking crack, the last thing I thought of doing, but I've never done something does not mean that every day. Lying to yourself 3.

My first experience with crack cocaine came in the form of a dull lot in a society established with a 2 week shutdown of the party. I had a "long time" trying to be cool, to say yes to weed, which was adopted, I was smoking something that my brain is messed up. The taste was fun, but II must have understood that. It 'been a beastly lust for her, even if I did not know what it was. Ungrateful 4. The year was 1993. April, the day my life changed when I hit the pipe. 285 pounds and fairly good health, that soon changed. Within two months, my usage from $ 2000 per day, without exaggeration. I did everything that was not tied. I have from my wife, my children, my mother, of all people. My goal was the stuff that is. Before I do not like the feeling, now I felt less than humanit is not. Long-term treatment, short-term, it does help. I said before that was used to behave in order, if the people you saw, as in sewage treatment plants, the same behavior. He wanted to have good jobs go to me, let me go, friends, enemies, that I die, but God had another plan.

Threats by the woman, never mind. I have my own life that God has made many visits to the service, played no role. Drugs called me and told me to call. I can not tell you how many times I left my wife standingHer bus stop or wait in a particular area, but has not been shown to me. It 'amazing, but if you put the drug addicts, people open to change. Do you blame them?

In October 2005, after traveling all night trains back on drugs, almost all the doors closed for me, I decided to stop in real time. The times when I stopped was because I took and I felt that she was serious this time. After diabetes, high blood pressure and use the bathroom every ten minutes also helpedHospital decision.Every the years since my use of drugs have been extended is a norm, at least a month, every year. Each time the priest is called, the first or second sentence was, "Are you still up?" My wife has stopped calling friends to see them suffer and it hurts to stick with me. Doing the dirty people started to catch on me. I've been waiting for a hospital emergency room and other things.I just took the Caterpillar arrested, but never called in

Available fromYears of drug abuse, I had a stroke of mass, 9 January 2006. Since it has only 37 years, was a challenge for me. I went blind and went into a comma for 9 days with a sugar content of more than 1000 Your doctor has prescribed a body bag, but God spared my life again. All attempts, I was still using drugs. That's how powerful the addiction is. No matter the circumstance or situation, and drugs will destroy you. The stroke left my left side paralyzed, but I can walk, talk, go to schoolOn-line, drive, cook, are as normal as possible.

After I had the stroke, he removed a burden from me. I knew that my troubles were over, medication-wise. I do not want anyone to stroke. But if you choose the drug or stroke, I choose the race. Drug addiction is the worst scenario at all, spending eternity in hell as well. Drug addiction is a hell on earth. Pray for those who struggle with drugs. Somebody prayed for me.

Today I am an A student, to studya lawyer, an advocate for people with disabilities. I am free, I love you today and appreciate the life I live. As a diabetic my eating habits are good and will remain so. My current weight is 225 My sugar is an average of 115 and blood pressure is 125/68. Good, healthy food. There is a great healing in my family relationships, spiritual relationships and upward growth. My goal is to make the world a better place, and I will change!