Tonka Trucks

This is my article, for anyone who is trying to credit, live my life in my shoes for a day.

As I'm sitting on my computer, typing with the one good hand that I have right now, I'm compelled to tell my story of how drug abuse destroyed my life. Before God stopped me, I was smoking crack, snorting heroin, popping pills, anything I could to medicate the pain. I could not stop, the drug using that is, until God loved me enough to stop my black behind. I had a major stroke, that left my left side paralyzed. Then the thought came to me, "fool, you really F'd up now!". It's been 2 years since, sober for 2 1/2 years thankfully. The 1/2 year was strictly from all doors becoming closed to me.

Born in 1968, my childhood was average at best. Not poor, but not rich, I received gifts for Christmas like"Rock em Sock em Robots", "Tonka Trucks', "Hot Wheels" and "Matchbox cars". My father, just before he died suddenly, bought me my first pong video game at Sears, cost $ 159.99 currently. Atari was the leader, but did his best. My father and I were very close, almost inseparable. Later, at the age of 25 years, my mother told me Leo was not my real father. However, I felt loved. My mother loved me too, but it was different. I take it everywhere, and teach me, clean cut, such as carpets, hair, machine work, etc. My mother has always, for me, baby sitter, so she could play bingo, go to the beauty shop, shopping and the horseto pursue. I remember the terrible experience of sitting for hours while my mother and my aunt went to "Gasman and Marshall Fields." Yet, could not now. Horray for online shopping.

Pamper yourself at a young age, my father died my personality changed drastically. I no longer felt loved, even if my mother has tried to show his best. Suddenly single parent now. I started having headaches all the time. No perceived joy in my life, I tried to take my frustrations onanyone. No smiling, no conversation, nothing but pain. The cousins and my friends got the brunt of the frustration, even though I couldn't fight a lick. Girls beat me up:).

12 years old, mad at the world, the next few years were just a set up for what was to come. First sexual experience, first raunchy sexual experience, first night staying out all night, first experience with alcohol and marijuana. Whenever I felt drunk or high, I thought I was on top of the world. Since my mother found a friend ( year later), she would sometimes stay at his house all night. He did not have a phone and he was a drunk, so I knew if my mother wasn't home by 8:00 p.m., freedom to be grown!

The first night was tough, being by myself. I was afraid, crying and everything. After that, it was a breeze. Every other day she was going to be away, weekends home everyday. The start of the double personality, another step to deception.

1. Mad at the world.

2. Deception

I knew how to behave when my mother was home and act the opposite when she was away. I was having women sleep over, orgies, parties, whatever since I acted as if I was grown. School work was easy, even though it was catholic grammer school and High School.The development of the camilion attitude began. 16 years old, stone alcoholic. There was no 12 steps in my community, so I thought. It was cool to me to have red eyes, barely open. I didn't realize the things that I loved doing, sports, wasn't important more. My thought was that of a player and all women. The women were objects of desire for me, maybe I was watching all the porn films on a daily basis.

Disease has been for me a word that was linked to action, not mental or physical well-being. With drugs, it is a springboard, an immediate, some gradual. My mission has been little by little. Alcohol, then marijuana, both, etc. I now know that alcohol is a drug, and leaves you vulnerable to say the things that usually do not. Four of my5 sons were conceived in drunkenness or being high. When I was young, getting high, smoking crack was the last thing I thought I would do, but I never daily did anything about to not do it. 3. Lying to one self.

My first experience with crack cocaine came in the form of a blunt at a very established company at a 2 week shut down party. I was drinking" long time", trying to be cool, saying yes to weed that was passed, I smoked something that messed my brain up. The taste was funny, but I knew I had to have it. There was a beastly craving for it, even though I didn't know what it was. 4. Being Ungrateful. The year was 1993. April,the day my life changed when I hit that pipe. 285 lbs and fairly good health, that soon changed. Within 2 months, my usages was over $2000 a day, no exaggeration. I stole everything that wasn't tied down. I stole from my wife,my children, my mother of all people. My focus was the stuff, that's it. Before I didn't feel love, now I felt less than a human it is not. Long-term treatment, short-term, it does help. I said before that was used to behave in order, if the people you saw, as in sewage treatment plants, the same behavior. He wanted to have good jobs go to me, let me go, friends, enemies, that I die, but God had another plan.

Threats by the woman, never mind. I have my own life that God has made many visits to the service, played no role. Drugs called me and told me to call. I can not tell you how many times I left my wife standingHer bus stop or wait in a particular area, but has not been shown to me. It 'amazing, but if you put the drug addicts, people open to change. Do you blame them?

In October 2005, after traveling all night trains back on drugs, almost all the doors closed for me, I decided to stop in real time. The times when I stopped was because I took and I felt that she was serious this time. After diabetes, high blood pressure and use the bathroom every ten minutes also helpedthe decision.Every year since my drug usage, extended hospital stays were a norm, at least a month out each year. Whenever the pastor called, the first or second sentence was " are you still getting high?" My wife's friends been stopped calling and it hurts to see her suffer by sticking with me. Doing people dirty started to catch up on me. I got arrested for waiting at a hospital emergency room and other little things.I got hired at Caterpillar, but they never called in.

Free from the years of drug abuse, I had a major stroke on January 9, 2006. Being only 37 years of age, to me this was a challenge. I went blind and went into a comma for 9 days for having a sugar level of over 1000. The doctor ordered a body bag, but God yet spared my life. All the trials, I was still using drugs. That's just how powerful addiction is. Doesn't matter the circumstance or situation, drugs can and will destroy you. The stroke left my left side paralyzed, but I can walk, talk, attend school On-line, drive, cook, are as normal as possible.

After I had the stroke, he removed a burden from me. I knew that my troubles were over, medication-wise. I do not want anyone to stroke. But if you choose the drug or stroke, I choose the race. Drug addiction is the worst scenario at all, spending eternity in hell as well. Drug addiction is a hell on earth. Pray for those who struggle with drugs. Somebody prayed for me.

Today I am an A student, to studybe a lawyer, an advocate for the disabled. I'm free, I love myself today and I appreciate the life I live. As a diabetic, my eating habits are good and it will stay that way. My current weight is 225. My sugar is an average of 115 and blood pressure is 125/68. Good, healthy eating. There is great healing in my family relationships, spiritual relationships and upward growth. My goal is to change the world for the better and I will!